Kobold Press

Friday Funny: the Dead Template

Tired of hearing about triple-templated messes? Here’s the last template you’ll ever need.
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Dead Template

Size and Type: Size remains the Same. Type gains the object subtype.
Hit Dice The creature’s Hit Dice all become d0s. This means they get 0 hp from Hit Dice.
Speed 0. No bonuses can be applied to the Dead creature.
Armor Class Don’t forget the penalties to AC from -5 Dex modifier and the bonuses the attacker gets from Prone and Helpless.
Attacks None
Special Attacks None
Special Qualities
In The Way-
The Dead creature counts as difficult terrain for any creatures 1 or more size categories smaller than it.
Revivable- The Dead creature regains all the things it lost from gaining the Dead template and loses all the abilities it gained, effectively becoming the same character it was before getting it. It then gets whatever penalties the spell used applies.
Smells Awful – Dead bodies smell pretty bad. Keep track of how long the Dead creature has been dead. Use a d30 for random Dead bodies (probably needs use anyway). Fort DC 10+2+(# of days dead / 2). Additional dead bodies adds +2 each, or +3 if over 20 days dead each. Failure means the creature becomes sickened for d6 rounds. Failure by more than 5 means the creature is nauseated until 40ft from any Dead body or 2d4 minutes. Failure by 20 or more means they become panicking until they leave the dungeon or area they are in or 3d6 minutes later. Any character that fails by 5 or more takes the most severe penalty first, and then once thats resolved the next worst. For example, a character that fails by 20 will panic for 3d6 minutes then be nauseated for 2d4 minutes and then be sicked for d6 rounds.
Saves: +0 for all, and its an object.
Abilities
Strength becomes 0. Dead bodies cannot move and are helpless.
Dexterity becomes 0. Dead bodies lie motionless, rigid, and helpless.
Constitution becomes 0. Dead bodies are dead, obviously.
Intelligence becomes 0. Dead bodies cannot think. They probably weren’t that smart anyway.
Wisdom becomes 0. Dead bodies lose a lot of interest in the world. It was probably unfair and the gods were out to get them anyway.
Charisma becomes 0. Dead bodies aren’t that appealling and pretty shy.
Skills Dead bodies have no skills.
Feats Dead bodies have no feats.
Environment Dead bodies are usually found in dungeons, the wilderness, or thieves dens. They are also found anywhere near wealth or power.
Organization Bosses are usually solitary. Henchmen are usually found in groups of 3-20. Groups of 3-5 were probably an adventuring party.
Challenge Rating: 0.
Treasure As base creature.
Alignment Neutral. They usually don’t care anymore.
Advancement None. Not that ambitious, really.
Level Adjustment +0.

6 Replies to "Friday Funny: the Dead Template"

Ken Marable

May 8, 2009 at 1:33pm

Nice! I like the ability score descriptions.

Just to show that great minds (and I) think alike, check out “Portable Hole Full of Beer” for another version of the Dead template.

One part I like from the PHFoB version is the skills (although I’m biased):

“Skills: Dead creatures lose the ability to make most any skill checks. However, under certain circumstances (on GM’s discretion) dead creatures gain a +10 bonus to bluff, hide, and tumble checks.”

It’s the Weekend at Bernie’s effect. :)

Daigle

May 8, 2009 at 3:33pm

This is awesome!

flash_cxxi

May 9, 2009 at 1:12pm

Full of Awesome you mean!

Daigle

May 9, 2009 at 7:18pm

Yes. That is precisely what I meant!

Butterfrog

May 10, 2009 at 4:49am

Can undead gains this template? Or the “Un” automatically denies it? :P

Oates

May 11, 2009 at 4:36am

Sure, an undead could inherit this template, but he’d be a 0hp pile of bones. :) enjoy.