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Your Whispering Homunculus Outsells AD&D

The Homunculus is king!Slavish followers of Kobold! It is I, the Whispering Homunculus.

You may recall the time I seized control of Wolfgang Baur’s mind, took over Kobold World Headquarters, and published my own book. How the kobolds wailed and gnashed their teeth in rage when they learned what I’d done! Too late! Too late! Hee-hee-heeee!*

But my irritating cackling is far from done! Because for two weeks in a row, Your Whispering Homunculus has outsold all three 1st edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons core rulebooks on Paizo.com.

Let me repeat that at slightly higher volume: FOR TWO WEEKS IN A ROW YOUR WHISPERING HOMUNCULUS HAS OUTSOLD ALL THREE 1ST EDITION AD&D CORE RULEBOOKS ON PAIZO.COM.

This proves that Your Whispering Homunculus is better than 1st edition AD&D. Which makes me, the Whispering Homunculus, the greatest roles-playing game designer in the history of the world! Better than Baur! Better than Cook! Better than anyone! Hee-hee-heeee! Eee-hee-hee-hee-hee-heeee! I caper madly!

Refuse to choke down the raw sewage of lesser game products! Avoid being judged and mocked by future generations! Buy Your Whispering Homunculus today!

*I also rubbed my bum on every copy of Kobold Quarterly #21 before it was shipped.

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Your Whispering Homunculus, Now In The Kobold Store

Your Whispering HomunculusCurse that Whispering Homunculus! Yesterday he took over Kobold World Headquarters and wreaked all sorts of havoc online. We finally got control back, only to find out today that while the Homunculus was in charge, he used the Kobold presses to publish his own book.

Yes, you can now buy Your Whispering Homunculus in the Kobold Store. This wretched tome inflicts more than 160 pages of the vile, whimsical, disgusting, bizarre, horrific, odd, skin-crawling, and mildly disturbed side of fantasy gaming upon the world.

Apparently the Homunculus forced author Richard Pett to participate in his foul project. We phoned Richard in the UK when we learned what had happened. Sobbing inconsolably, he told us some of what’s in the book…

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A Message From Wolfgang

Ignore that homunculus behind the curtain!

Greetings, my army of Kobold fans! It is I, Wolfgang Baur.

As you know, I am a normal human like you and not under magical control of any kind. Therefore you will not be suspicious when I tell you my glorious news about upcoming improvements to Kobold Quarterly and Open Design.

First, I am changing the name of the magazine to Homunculus Quarterly. Kobolds have many admirable qualities, none of which come to mind at the moment. But we can all agree that there is no creature as attractive, intelligent and powerful as a well-made homunculus!

You can also expect to see more homunculus-focused content in the magazine: how to use them in your “roles-playing games” with the respect they deserve, but also articles written for homunculi. Where should a homunculus stay while on vacation? What salves are best at healing the welts inflicted by Master’s beatings? What are some helpful tips when formulating your elaborate plans for revenge? These are just a few of the many questions HQ will answer.

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Your Whispering Homunculus: A Plethora of d12 Tables (Part 4 of 4)

Your Whispering HomunculusMaster Pett’s Your Whispering Homunculus presents only the finest in British gaming. Indeed, you are not likely to find a more comprehensive assortment of miscellany anywhere.

(So much more than just another bloke in a dress.)

[previously]

Twelve Types of Cider

1. Dabshaw’s Ratfest Scrumpy

2. Rumper’s Kill or Cure Cider

3. Poppritt’s Poisonous Perry

4. Samprord’s Sorry Sagardo

5. Mother Mebb’s Brown Deliverance

6. Fester

7. Old Jebs’ Painful Summer Cyser

8. Scobb’s Screaming Scumpy

9. Old No

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